6 Empowering Lessons Learned from Overcoming Life's Hard Knocks

Have you ever been in a situation where no one was in your corner, where you had to figure things out on your own? Where no one held your hand to reassure and tell you it’s ok? Have you? I HAVE!

Have you ever felt like your voice didn’t matter? I was raised in a home where you knew better to listen than to speak.  I was taught to speak only when spoken to, and never question what I was told.

So, I did what was expected of me. I followed the rules, kept my head down, and avoided trouble.

But inside, there was so much I wanted to say, so many questions I didn’t ask, and thoughts I never shared.

Growing up, advocating for myself was difficult. I got used to staying silent and figuring things out on my own. Staying silent felt safe and suffocating at the same time.

 Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up in an awful home. We weren’t rich, but we had what we needed, and for the most part, life was comfortable.

But there was this unspoken rule—you didn’t question those who came before you. Does this sound familiar?

My mum (bless her soul) was also raised this way. She went through the same drill, so it passed on. In my eyes, she was a superwoman for raising five kids by herself.

But everyone exploited her good nature. She was always willing to put the needs of others before hers. She often bent over backward to make others happy. I saw the same pattern in her— don’t ask, don’t tell, stay quiet.

As the first child, I placed a lot of expectations on myself. I felt like I had to prove to everyone—especially myself—that I could handle things and make everything work out.

I’d watch my mom, and I’d promise myself to never end up in her shoes. I swore I wouldn’t let anyone treat me the way people treated her. My mantra was always to get it right.  

But looking back, I couldn’t help but think—did she ever try to take a chance? If she had, maybe things would’ve turned out a different way.

I knew what I wanted and realized early on that one way to get it right was to be the change. I figured with education I’d earn more respect. That was my first liberation.

I ended up in an all-girls boarding school; I wasn’t one of the brightest, but I fitted in well. It was rough but it felt like home.

Gradually I broke out of my shell and learned to express myself, finding my voice amongst my peers. I was still quiet, but I’d speak up if I had to express my feelings.

This was a time of discovery for me, where I had to figure things out alone. I found comfort in daydreaming—it was my escape (it still is). It brightened my days and filled me with hope for what lies ahead.

I’d imagine myself at a top college and landing my dream job. I’d see myself traveling the world, finding the right guy, and starting a family.

My daydreams were endless, but they kept me going when nothing else could. Ever needed to dream your way through tough times?

I daydreamed my way through high school into college, and then straight into the claws of life. I pictured a life where everything would work out if I had a plan, right?

Well, reality struck, and I was thrust into the hard knocks of life. Oh No! This was not part of the plan; I wasn’t prepared for what life threw my way. I had the perfect plan, or so I thought!

College? I made it there, but not right after high school like I’d hoped. Dream job? Didn’t happen. Traveling the world? Not even close.

I thought I’d found the right guy, but instead, I found myself pregnant and raising my child alone. Ever been thrust into a reality that wasn’t part of your plan?

I was heartbroken and had no one to turn to for direction. My thoughts overwhelmed me, leaving me scared and weary.

Many days I felt helpless and exhausted. There were nights I cried myself to sleep. Hoping that by morning, something had changed.

It felt like the bottom fell out, and all my well-crafted plans didn’t work out! Ever felt helpless by the weight of life’s disappointments?

Life has a way of throwing you into circumstances, whether by design or by chance. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstances, blaming myself for every setback that came my way.

I’ve learned a lot in my journey through life (still learning). But over time, I’ve come to realize that every setback either breaks or shapes you.

Whatever situation life throws my way, I always take away these 6 lessons:

1.  Perfection is boring. You make progress through practice

2. There's no such thing as a perfect plan. You’d have to redraw your plans as you go

3. Embrace your fears and accept your setbacks

4. Never play the victim. Step up and take control of your situation

5. Never give up when faced with challenges. They’re only temporary if you hang in there

6. Your situation is not unique. It’s just a phase—it will pass

Whatever circumstances life throws at you, make the most of it. You either learn or walk away from it. Life is like the ebb and flow of an ocean—some days are high and others pull you under.

High and low moments in your life will either shape or break you. But most of all you’ll learn from them. There are no cheat sheets on how to handle life’s twists and turns.

These circumstances are not unique to a particular gender, race, or background.

But here’s the thing—setbacks are like practice shots. They prepare you for what lies ahead. Don’t let them consume you.

I’ve learned to accept every situation that comes my way and deal with them as I go. I’ll never despair and will keep forging ahead, for there’s light at the end of every tunnel.

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